Depression?

[petaske'kwe']

First of all, much love and respect to you, cymraegrrl.

Originally Posted by cymraegrrl So now what do I do?

Basically, if you want to change or feel like things could be better in your life, make an appointment with a psychiatrist. If you feel like you don't need one, that's fine too, but they may surprise you by offering some creative solutions to some of your problems/issues. They're smart, they have experience, and they're there to help you. They can tell you what your options are for treatment. In my experience with BPD, SSRIs help some people but not others, mood stabilizers help some people but not others, therapy helps some people too. If cost is an issue, look up the universities in your area to see if any of them are recruiting research volunteers. You may be able to get some free therapy or a free consultation with a psychiatrist.

I spent the last three years working with people with BPD. I wrote two grants, one funded by NIH and one funded by this foundation, to study the neurochemical mechanisms behind emotional regulation and pain/stress responses and how they are different in women with BPD compared to women with Major Depression and healthy women. I can send you a ton more information if you're interested in what we were doing and what we found. Both of the studies are still ongoing.

Over the course of running these neuroimaging experiments, I met about 20 women with BPD, in their late teens to late 40s. The range of their functioning was huge- from successful lawyers, honors students, and caring mothers to women with serious drug abuse issues, hospitalizations for suicide attempts, women bruised and scarred from self-injurious behavior, women who had to live in group homes just to survive. And my job was to get these women to recall an extremely sad event from their past and have them recreate that mood in a PET scanner while hooked up to 2 I.V.s! It was hard. The emotional lability (read: changeability) I saw was extraordinary. The women would start out with similar baseline ratings of negative affect (read: emotion or mood) and sadness to the healthy women but during the sadness induction their ratings would jump up higher than healthy women and women with MDD during the sadness induction. A huge range of emotions in a very short time period.

I wish there was an easy cure, cymraegrrl, or something I could tell you that could give you some insight. Honestly, in terms of the brain, no one knows exactly how people with BPD are different from "normal" people. We know that the neurotransmitters that regulate emotions and how we respond to stress are different in some people with BPD, but many people with BPD are in the "normal" range too. People with BPD may have a dysregulated endogenous opioid system, i.e. endorphins. This may be why some people with BPD cut themselves to release endorphins in response to the pain and relieve "internal aversive tension". If you are cutting or performing some other self-injury, or self-medicating with drugs or anything else, definitely see a doctor. There are medications that can ease the urge to cut.

Keep your head up, cymraegrrl, and I hope things start looking up! You are so smart and strong, and I know you can do anything you put your mind to, including changing the ways you deal with stress and emotions if they are a problem for you, which can be incredibly hard to do.
:good vibes: :healthy healing vibes:

[mamaquilla]

Hugs cymrae !!!!!!! Please seek outside help, when dealing with these kinds of issues it is sooooooooooo helpful to get outside input. More Hugs !

[gladcow]

cym, I'm so sorry. I understand very much where you are coming from. I have been continuing to treat my particular brand of mental illness with diet, supplements, meditation and excersize. Now I'm doing green smoothies, which will boost my intake of tryptophan and phenylalanine (which I know I am low in). Don't forget to try different kinds of things (especially diet). Omega 3's are very important when treating depression, etc. ***biggest hug in the world***

[mishka]

I've been significantly grouchy for the last 4 days. I'm tired, cranky, negative, unmotivated, distracted, overwhelmed and I don't want to talk to people. It's probably just short term depression, but it sure as heck is wearing me down. I do have a history of depression (who doesn't??), and there's a huge family history of it as well, so I gotta keep an eye on it. I guess I know the things I have to do (so many good things listed in this thread), but it's hard finding that motivation.

[nauthiz]

My favorite trick is rewards. Every time I do something good for me, I have a cookie.

Which is also good for me, I suppose. But I swear, it's all about responsibility, not hedonism.

[MissLovely]

Originally Posted by mishka I've been significantly grouchy for the last 4 days. I'm tired, cranky, negative, unmotivated, distracted, overwhelmed and I don't want to talk to people. It's probably just short term depression, but it sure as heck is wearing me down. I do have a history of depression (who doesn't??), and there's a huge family history of it as well, so I gotta keep an eye on it. I guess I know the things I have to do (so many good things listed in this thread), but it's hard finding that motivation.

Have you done much exercising? (*needs to take own advice*)

I'm certifiable, so to speak. Here's a list of helpful things I do for myself.

Clean the bathroom like a mofo. Make that thing sparkle. Good exercise, gives you a sense of accomplishment, and then you can take a bath to celebrate!

Bake.

Go to bed at 7pm.

Watch a movie that'll give you a good cry.

Abstain from the interweb for a few days.

{{{{{Mishka}}}}}

[bird]

I second the going to bed before sunset thing. Sometimes it's the loss of the sun that really does me in (hence becoming incredibly depressed in Seattle).

[mishka]

thanks I think the fact that I get home from work at about 6:30-7 really gets me down. Basically, it gives me only about 4 hours to live my life and take care of things that need to get done.

I'd love to go to sleep right after work, but I have things I gotta do - clean up, spend quality time with the boy, VRF, watch some awesome downloaded TV shows... Well, there we go. I think I can skip those things to get a few extras hours of sleep.

But not tonight. Tonight I have to clean and do laundry for my sister's weekend visit, plus make 3 sets of necklaces/earrings for my mom so my sister can take them back home with her. Shoot. How do people do all this crap with kids??? I look up to all of you busy moms.

I haven't been exercising much at all. Though, this weekend we're thinking of going rock (wall) climbing with my sister and a bunch of others. Hopefully her visit will pull me out of my funk. That child is the love of my life.

eta: abstaining from those 3 glasses of wine last night would probably have been a good idea.

[bluedawg]

{{{{mishka}}}}

[Dandelion]

Awww mishka.

My daddy has depression so i've seen first hand what it's like and it scares the hell outta me. Since then i've been very wary on nipping any symptoms in the bud. I never wanna get depression and i never wanna have to take that zombie medication.

I've noticed i go through periods of depressive type moods and i try hard to either avoid them or reduce their stay. Basically it comes down to just trying to maintain a balance of health:

Water: if i'm feeling crappy sometimes just remembering to drink water helps

Exercise: one of the hardest things to do when depressed is doing anything! forcing myself to move helps pick me back up.

Diet: sometimes just eating more whole/raw foods helps. loading on b12 and omegas, even if it's placebo works for me.

Sleep: i never thought i'd live to see the day i went to bed before midnight but getting enough rest does wonders for my mood the next day.

Booze: from my blog...

the way booze works is this it steal happiness from the not too distant future and piles it on in the present then when the not too distant future rolls around you are absent the happy

i notice beer and hard alcohol usually comes back to bite me but wine less so. jack daniels does me awwright, yeah i'm starting to get that specific on my vices. either way booze is a nice short term boost but you make up for that double later.

Anyway i'm sure you knew all of that and it's been said before but i just needed to get it out perhaps for my own sake. the messed up thing about depression is that it severely inhibits the ability to do the things to help yourself and it loves to dote on negativity which helps it multiply, like a brain virus. i've been training myself to do the above things automatically so if i start feeling bad i sip more water, or get out and move or eat better, pop a few extra Bs etc.
Hope you feel better soon!

[gur]

{{{{{mishka}}}}}

[mishka]

you guys are all just so gaddamed supportive !! Thank you.

Dandy, that list is so helpful. I'm sorry your dad is dealing with depression - it's not fun to watch. My mom's been depressed for, geez, ever and she tries hard to fight it, drug-free. I doubt it'll ever go away... her issues are too deeply set and she'll never try therapy for fear of having to confront her demons. I know some of those demons, and I can't blame her. *shudders*

Just popped a B6, and I have a B12 in waiting. I've been loading up on flax lately. You're sooo right about the booze. I have a tendancy towards alcohol, so it can be hard to fight the urge to have a drink when it hits me. I'll ask the boy for help in keeping me away from it for a wee bit. He'll be all good with that. Especially if it makes me less of a crankypants.

Exercise. Damn. That's a hard one, due to the cold and the darkness setting earlier. And we don't have a gym too close by. But I've just decided to go for a walk now to get summa that sunlight. And I'm-a bringing my SIGG with me

[grog]

see also: Full Spectrum Lighting

[Sonja]

Originally Posted by Dandelion and i never wanna have to take that zombie medication.

Zombie medication is what makes my life worth living. =Sonja

(zombie seeking happiness=Sonja)

Even with drugs, exercise and socialization are two of my strongest antidepressants.

[dropscone]

Originally Posted by grog see also: Full Spectrum Lighting

Somebody mentioned Bodyclocks in a discussion about SAD (on another board ) - they look kind of cool.